The Unveiled Wife by Jennifer Smith

Author:Jennifer Smith
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Life / Love & Marriage, RELIGION / Christian Life / Personal Growth, RELIGION / Christian Life / Women's Issues
ISBN: 9781496403926
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers
Published: 2015-03-03T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 19

Fantasyland

During this dark period, Aaron and I fell into a habit of watching TV and movies. Diving into a fantasy world seemed to briefly relieve the burden destroying us. Although we sat next to each other, we were worlds apart. The thought of divorce, which I was so adamantly against, was contaminating our love. At one point I told Aaron I felt guilty that he was not being fulfilled sexually and I wouldn’t be upset if he wanted out. I even begged him to divorce me, encouraging him to find a satisfying life elsewhere. His initial response was an absolute no, but he did share with me later that he was threatened with the thought of divorce as well. As much as I may have contemplated divorce, my soul was convicted not to go that route. We did love each other, but hanging on to threads of memories of the good times was barely enough to keep our hearts knit together.

Our three-year anniversary was supposed to be celebratory. I assumed most couples would plan an adventurous getaway, a romantic dinner, or some other exciting date to commemorate three years of joy together, yet our anniversary was a disturbing reminder of how long we had continued without sex. Our struggle was not something we could laugh at, hoping it would work itself out soon. How could we possibly celebrate, when mourning seemed more appropriate?

I grieved the death of my marriage as if it were already gone. The lens I viewed my world through was tinted and cloudy, keeping me from seeing or thinking clearly. My thoughts began to disturb me: scenarios of my husband tragically dying, giving me the option to meet someone new. I never wished such severe things to really happen, but I was often tempted to escape into a fantasy world to avoid what I was dealing with in reality.

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